Behind every self-made story of success was not an individual with grandiose, insurmountable confidence, but rather a need greater than their fears. It is not the absence of qualms which led Joan of Arc to a French victory, or Malala Yousafzai to face off death for women’s education, but rather the belief that something was more important than their own instinct for self-preservation. That an external goal and purpose was worth being vulnerable for. Motivational gurus have sold us the mentally paralyzing lie that we need impassable self-confidence before we do anything to take over our human-agency and pursue our passions and goals. When in reality, we’d be fulfilling our potential by realizing we should never become complacent. We should stay fearful, and do it anyway – that is how we grow.
It’s the ‘chicken and egg’ cosmic dilemma. Fear and courage which leads to goal-achievement precede confidence, not the other way around. Do not ask yourself, “How can I increase my self-confidence?” Ask yourself what fear is stopping you from doing, what goal induces anxiety. That is the first step to accomplishing great feats, to achieving your dreams and rising above the crowd. Doing so will naturally increase your own confidence in your abilities, and you’ll have the mental muscle to tackle bigger tasks. Because growth is not something born from comfortable domesticity but from vulnerability. If something is worth it, it won’t be easy. Most people only want something when it’s comfortable, recognizing your fear but doing the life-improving yet daunting task anyway is key to staying ahead of the curve.
Confidence is built through achievement, through physical confirmation that your mind is full of potential, and that you can have what you want as long as you’re willing to traverse through the tough terrain others turn back at. Real self-confidence and self-worth is not something achieved through fleeting external validation but through feelings of accomplishment and personal growth. Though he made no money, Van Gogh still painted 900 works of art, posthumously going down as one of the most talented painters in history. Have the courage to seek inner growth, not external validation or cheap “confidence.” Otherwise, it can be no more than a mask putting on the appearance of growth while continuing to carry feelings of emptiness and insufficiency.
Remember a time when you did something momentarily uncomfortable, but alas, you crossed the finish-line, and felt a wash of relief and self-satisfaction and achievement? That is your brain’s endorphin-releasing rewards system – use it to your advantage by training yourself choose long-term satisfaction instead of instant gratification, to become addicted to completing enriching endeavors. Train yourself to associate more stress over procrastinating than actually doing the thing; after all, getting started is the hardest part after falsely building something up. Replace your fear of failure with a fear of doing nothing, of leading a monotonous, meaningless life.
It takes courage to realize that if you protect yourself from failure, you protect yourself from the possibility of success. Not confidence. You’re never going to reach a true state of confidence until you work your mental muscles by pushing yourself into fruitful yet uncomfortable situations. It’s about accepting that you won’t win every time, but that you’ll never win at all if you don’t try. Because out of vulnerability comes progress. If J.K. Rowling had given up after being rejected the first, second, and twelfth time, she wouldn’t have gone on to make one of the world’s best selling series of all time.
Have the courage to determine how far you go. We’re all human, the only thing separating you from those at the top of your field is the amount of discipline/work you apply and resilience. No one knows your behind the scenes – your doubts, fears, failures, so stop feeling like an imposter. You are a blank page with an equal shot in anyone’s eyes. Start thinking ‘why not me?’ That heavyweight champion did not start off lifting 200 pounds. Have the courage to feel uncomfortable at the gym, to not be confident, to feel out of place. Those shortcomings and anxieties are the driving force behind every success story. More dreams are ruined by doubt than failure. And impact isn’t created, lives aren’t changed, the world isn’t left off a better place through “would’ve’s.” Stop waiting for permission from an abstract spurt of “confidence” to make life-changing leaps that will transform your life for the better.
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